“Dilip in cooperation with Alexia Georgakopoulos, Ph.D. written for the ICRC Blog”
The humerous Nextel/Sprint commercial that illustrates “What the World would be like if Loggers Ran the World,” provides a sobering reality of what may happen if people hand over the responsibility to others during divorse and during times of conflict in general. People have power, control, and predictability in mediation, which contrasts considerably to other forms of conflict resolution processes. There is a space and place for various forms of conflict resolution during difficult times. For example, legal counsel is essential to making an informed choice especially when people don’t understand the law and don’t know their legal rights, but what people need to understand is that getting legal advise or counsel in conjunction with mediation can be the most powerful process in the conflict resolution process. The two approaches combine expert advise that allow people to make informed decisions with personal choice that come from the people who understand their own lives and who can make decisions from the heart. Going to court doesn’t provide an interest based approach. We have heard about the 3 brothers who all want the same “orange”. Until they figure out each other’s needs, it may be impossible to address this conflict effectively. See in mediation, people have an opportunity to not only discuss what they want, but reflect more importantly on what they need. “Wanting” (called a position) is generally very different from “needing” (called an interest), so an interest based discussion is so valuable in mediation.
The above commercial depicts Barbara Phillips’ assertion from her book The Mediation Field Guide (2001, p. xix). that legislative solutions do not meet the underlying needs or interests of parties. Similarly, Howard Irving and Michael Benjamin in their Therapeutic Family Mediation book claim that the use of an arbitration or litigation process disempowers the parties to make self-determined decisions that are in their mutual interests and these processes are poorly suited for family disputes that are deeply entrenched in family dynamics ( 2002). As Irving and Benjamin point out, arbitrators’ authority to adjudicate binding and final decisions that are no longer subject to negotiation, may leave the parties pondering on the question: “What were we thinking?” Effective mediation supports effective interaction and communication, which is based not only on what people think, but more importantly on what they need. Mediation encourages new stories (alternative stories) to form, which allow people to see the conflict in a new light for the future. Mediation is the process of “promise” and “hope for the future” that everyone is talking about from judges to attorneys who also in majority support it as a solid conflict resolution process that is here to stay and grow to further heights yet. U.S. News and World Report for the last 3 years has noted “Mediation” as among the top careers in the U.S. as well! If we follow mediation we may encourage people to avoid this vividly portrayed distribution of tangible assets, literally splitting in equal proportions, and encourage negotiation of intangible factors such as emotion, identity, consideration, validation, empowerment, self-determination, recognition, forgiveness, respect, understanding etc.
References
Bush, R. A. & Folger, J. P (2005). The promise of mediation: The transformative approach to conflict. San Francisco, CA: John Wiley & Sons, Inc.
Irving, H. H. & Benjamin, M. (2002). The mediation field guide: Transcending litigation and resolving conflicts in your business or organization. San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass.
Phillips, B. A. (2001). Therapeutic family mediation. Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publications, Inc.
http://www.metacafe.com/watch/yt-x4ZDhGbRv0o/what_if_loggers_ran_the_world/
